With the divorce rate over 50 percent, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding who to spend the rest of their life with. The golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most.To avoid becoming a "statistic," try to internalize these 10 insights. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can expect people to change after they're married... " So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character. Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn't "get it." Jewish tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of a woman and to satisfy them.Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. "I'm in love" often means, "I'm in lust." Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person's character? Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? The unique need of a woman is to be loved -- to feel that she is the most important person in her husband's life.Here are four character traits to definitely check for: Humility: Does this person believe that "doing the right thing" is more important than personal comfort? The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention.Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says s/he's going to do? This is most apparent in Judaism's approach to intimacy.How does s/he treat people s/he doesn't have to be nice to? The Torah obligates the husband to meet the intimate needs of his wife. Men are goal-oriented, especially when it comes this area.
There are three basic ways we connect with another person: Make sure you share the deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide.
After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart.
To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you're "living for," while you're single -- and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you.
This is the true definition of a "soul mate." A soul mate is a goal mate -- two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life's purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals. You choose the wrong person because you get intimately involved too quickly.
Intimacy before the commitment of marriage can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions.
It is not necessary to take a "test drive" in order to find out if a couple is physically compatible.