When you hear the word divorce, even if you aren't divorced yourself, I would bet that almost instantly you conjure up images of pain and tears, of yelling and courtrooms, of kids with backpacks, of lawyers and paperwork, of anger and sadness. (Those who were living in pain for a very long time, that's who.) So starting over looks different for every person, especially depending on what your marriage looked like in the day-to-day, who initiated the divorce, and how long you were married. We more than likely never dreamed we'd be on our own, so we never bothered to prepare for that circumstance. Or, if the marriage was extraordinarily difficult, we may find ourselves resisting feelings of relief and excitement, emotions that seem wrong and that invoke guilt. We perhaps never paid our own bills or worked outside the home. For some of us, we had no idea what it was like to live on our own. But what does starting over after divorce look like? You cannot see the forest for the trees; you cannot see around the bend. In the aftermath of a divorce, every man and woman needs to decide how he or she will start over.I have various quibbles with this topic, which he and I have discussed many times.
Just because people ask a question, doesn't mean there is a substantive answer to be found...though it can be created by someone inventive, responsive to readers, and with tremendous knowledge of the subject...as well as first hand experience as a member of the population in question. I'll admit that those who date widowed people is not a group I have chosen to speak to or for...Abel is far from the only author tackling this subject: in addition to his two books, Dating a Widower and Marrying a Widower, there is Julie Donner Anderson's Past: Perfect! and that knowing how few men under 55 are widowed compared to women (at one time Social Security told me it was 1 man to 7 women) makes me quite skeptical...but some of the stories Abel and his readers share are pretty dreadful.Many of the men in question seem to have significant trouble living comfortably with their past lives and experiences.