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It was when I drew that comparison that I realized I used to be just like the men she comes across today.I tried to soften the message, but there was no way of getting around a truth that many men take advantage of.Women make it easy for single black men in big cities like New York. And the women that were available flaunted advanced degrees, confidence, and an exceptionally high self-worth.I can tell you this because I spent five years living in Boston, a much smaller city,where I had to claw and wit my way to a phone number and a first date. Boston forced me to question a lot about my approach to chicks and, at times, even my looks.The women there were interested in whatever they perceived to be the best of the best. As soon as I arrived with a single status, six feet of height, and a complexion that didn’t scare white people in elevators, things got easier — MUCH easier.It took more than a fresh shave and an edge up to show you wanted something that lasted longer than a night. One night out in the city resulted in more interest and phone numbers than I’d gotten in my last three years living in Beantown. People think big city equals more people, which equals more opportunity, which can equal more competition. Conversation with one became missed opportunity with the easier options — well, sometimes.

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